So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
