Duck Duck Cougar?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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