so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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