we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
