tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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