Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
