you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
