I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
