I met the friendliest cop last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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