Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's never too late to be topless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
