do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
