Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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