I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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