You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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