By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
