The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
