i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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