i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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