Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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