omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
