I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
