You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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