I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
