Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
