Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
