if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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