Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
