I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
