I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
