My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
