well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
