Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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