I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
