we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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