whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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