i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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