i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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