Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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