I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
