there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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