Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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