goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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