planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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