dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
