Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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