i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
