is your mom at the bar?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
