The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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