hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
