Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
