the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
