he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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