im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
