and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
