Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
