I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
