Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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