i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
