Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
