In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
