She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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