Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
