I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
