what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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