god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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