I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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