did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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