actually, I'm a sock model
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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