too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
