I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
