I need help removing her.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
