Your face is a jimmy john
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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