A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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