My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
